Sunday, January 30, 2011

because it is so much easier to run


I'm scared! I'm so fucking scared! I think that I'm maybe love him, I really do! But I can’t, not him! I know that something is wrong, why is he so nice and perfect all the time! WHYY??!! And he is choosing me?! Come on man, there are so many girls out there, take THEM!! Not me…!!

This is making me so scared, because I know it can’t be true! I just know it! About two weeks from now he is coming to visit me (we live in two different cities), and I really really want him to come, but at the same time I really don’t. I know that I am going to say that I am sick so he can absolutely not come!! I know that I am going to do that! Do you want the reason? I always do that, when I like someone I run!! Because running is so much easier that stay! Now I think I decided not to run, but I don’t now if I can do that because I am scared as hell!! I scared that he is like all the others guys… okay, it’s not like I had 20 boyfriends… actually it’s more like one… or can I say .5…?

I just don’t know what to do! I am so confused! I want to love him but I can’t because everything I see is perfection, and no one is perfect! I know that! I have all these feelings inside of me, and I can’t tell him.. I just can’t!! Sometimes when we talk, I just want him to know everything! I mean, we have been friends for 1,5 years now, and I wrote in a text (when I was out with my friends—to drunk for my own best..xD ) that I think I like him more than a friend.. the next day I got a text back… I felt the same way!! Still, I am here in my room, can’t study to a big finale because I am thinking of all this while I receive so cute and wonderful texts from him all the time…! My friends are telling me to chill out! Wait until he comes! But that is the problem!! I know I am going to fix so he’s not coming!

I hate to run! But I hate to stay too! For now, I hate to be in love…! I just hate it so much! And the worst part is that I don’t think I am going to change my mind! Because it is so much easier to run! And do you know what? I love to run! Run is my love! Forever!!!