Thursday, February 10, 2011

if he doesn't want me in his life, then I don't need him in my world


I met him at a language course in my country. He seemed like an interesting man. We were seating next to each other and worked together. I slowly started liking him. Than I was told he was 29... and I was 18. But this age difference didn't stop me from liking him. I liked him even more.

We were always laughing, talking about everything. Than we started going out like friends. His company was the only one I loved. I already knew that I was in love with him. He, on the other side, wasn't. I used all of my woman powers to make him fall for me. Sometimes he acted like he was in love with me, other times he acted like an older friend who helps me out. I couldn't understand what was going on in his mind. And I was too afraid to tell him about my feelings.

Time passed and we were still just friends. But than (after a year) he suddenly told me "I think I like you". My mind was showing me a perfect picture - me and him in a beautiful world of love, butterflies and pink clouds. We started dating. But something was going wrong. We didn't have time for each other and we were fighting because of that. I decided it was better if we broke up. He told me "if it's ok with you, let's get back to the friendship we had" and of course I said "ok". And everything seemed back to its normal self. We were hanging out, talking about everything in the world, he was calling me his little genius again and I was happy being able to be with him that way.

But then he suddenly disappeared. I couldn't find him anywhere - he didn't answer his phone, he was never online in skype or facebook, his home was empty. It was like he was dead. The first month I was afraid that something might have happened with him. Then I got used to it - he wasn't in my life anymore. 3 months passed and I still didn't hear anything from him. Then one day I was walking down the street and I saw him. He was coming to me. I was so happy that he was alive and healthy. As he came nearer I smiled at him and he smiled back, but than he passed me by and didn't say a word, as if he was just a stranger. I couldn't understand what was going on. Why was he doing this to me? After that, I saw him a couple of times, but from far away, so I couldn't get to ask him what happened.

But the next time I saw him, I got the answer. I was clothes shopping and on the other side of the line with the clothes was a woman. She was pregnant. I smiled and looked at the shirt I liked again. Than I heard a familiar voice: "Hey, honey, what did you pick... oh that's a nice sweater! It will keep you two warm". I looked at the man saying that and it was HIM! I couldn't believe what I saw... I was so hurt. I never imagined that this will happen to me!

Now, I am fine. I decided that if he doesn't want me in his life, then I don't need him in my world as well. First I wanted to forget about him, but then I decided that I will keep the wonderful moments we had locked up in my heart. When I need it, I will unlock them and remember what we used to have, but than I will keep them locked up nice and save in my heart again and never think about him.