Saturday, May 7, 2011

i never thought...


I never thought I could ache with hurt while laughing out loud to our inside jokes

I never thought I'd imagine slapping your face yet desperately yearn for another embrace

I never thought I'd brush your arm while walking alongside you and be happy over that little

I never thought I'd be warm in the May sun and be chilled to the bone by your indifference

I never thought I'd be alone with you in an elevator but feel like I'm with a stranger
in a foreign land

I never thought I'd be asked to leave where I was once begged and stalled to stay

I never thought I'd be waiting for you to get here instead of planning our separate arrivals

I never thought I'd end up with nothing after careful months of hiding everything

Here I am, one passionate, dramatic, tiring, exciting, extravagant, boring,
predictable, spontaneous, chaotic, secretive, on-and-off year later, marked
by two break-ups connected by one make-up- all "my fault" and your choices.

In many ways you are my biggest Regret.

A year ago... you were my rebound and saving Grace,
Six months ago... you were my boyfriend again after cowardly making yourself an Ex,
Three months ago.. you reluctantly chose your final breakup on my birthday.

The only gift I got from you was freedom from the gray, lonely, confusing
state of Purgatory you tried to keep our relationship in. are only my Boss

I ALWAYS thought I'd tell everyone that told me so, "You told me so"

And yet...

I NEVER thought I'd miss someone I saw everyday.