Saturday, June 11, 2011

Just another day!

Vinod's life was not the easiest. And at this point of life it was not getting any better.  Let’s just say it was on the darker side. Often he bumped into situations when he felt a violent urge to kill… someone or just himself. FINITO!

But then he restrained… which often lead to more frustration. And as he went through a similar phase again today he consoled himself in his quirky humour, talking to himself, “I guess I am too meek. Not easy, when you do it by yourself. I don’t mind being killed by something else… dying in an accident. Just don’t want to hang to life by half a heart and incapable body after a failed attempt. Never like life anyways.”

It was a dark evening. Rainy... and lonely. That’s the way it has been for some time now. So much that he had started considering his life quite an example – “Screwed up job, screwed up mind… I don’t know which sucks more. I have been working for almost three and half years in this company and I don’t seem to grow or going anywhere.”  Vinod had wanted to quit his job long back when he felt there was distance growing between him and his love. But he let it be… He believed that if he held on life could be beautiful in the long run… but then certain external forces played truant. “So far nothing has worked out. NOTHING! Leeches, suckers...” Vinod almost said that aloud.

Earlier in the day there were some serious arguments following which he had finally decided to walk away… from his love. He could not take it anymore. And the anger was just building up. “Accusation…! And they seem to come from all directions. I don’t work well enough… I have not been able to take of myself and my career… I have not been able to stand up to responsibilities… they never end. I never claimed I am the best guy around. Rather I maintain I am frail. I cannot multitask unlike many believe I can. Or maybe I can… and I am just emotionally handicapped…” Vinod grew restless… the calm surroundings did not seem to work. As he lay on his bed, sight fixed on the fan he seemed to be slipping into a trans..  “The bottom-line is that I never found myself normal!”

The comparisons had often driven him mad… comparisons to anyone normal and good. His boss often rebuked him for failing to grow professionally. His mother would complain about his job and the way he had no time anything else. And ‘she’ agreed. “My stupid dreams and expectations! Or maybe it is my fear… my incapability or my fear of being incapable when it comes to performing…  Why am I supposed to deliver? Is this life? Why should I do as they like…,” his breathing paced up with simmering anger.

Suddenly his phone rang… It was his closest friend. He had missed his birthday. “Oh great… more complains on way…!” Vinod decided to give the call a miss too. He decided to go for a walk… he had already missed his dinner and there was no chance he could get anything decent to eat at this hour. And neither was he in the mood to have anything… appetite dead!

As he walked down the deserted streets the drizzle started all over again. Soon it was a downpour and he was soaking wet in not time. He walked ahead towards the crossroads. Suddenly a car zoomed by, splashing water from a puddle on to him. “Screw you!” he cursed.

The car had successfully taken away his attention from his own life momentarily.
As he walked towards the footpath he saw street dogs running in hiding. His eyes followed one of them as it sprinted towards what seem liked a shelter. As he neared he saw it was a plastic cement bang that was acting as a shed and below it laid a kid. The dog just curled up beside the boy, drawing heat from each other while making futile efforts to stay dry. Rains did not always bring in relief… “These street kids are really strong and brave…”

Such a stereotyped life! Vinod could not help smiling at himself. All he could do was complain about himself and all he needed to see was someone else suffering to get back to sanity. “One more day goes by and I am back to the same square!”

Vinod walked to the nearest medical store, bought an orange candy. “Rain and ice candy really go well together…!”