Monday, June 20, 2011

no guarantees


A year. Just one year. In that time we have left and re-entered each other's lives way too many times to count. I don't even remember how it first started, how "we" first started. And in the times when we weren't together we were with other people, but it was always like there was this magnet inside of us that only we could feel. As the magnet would move closer, we would become friends, and then all of a sudden it would be like the magnet shattered. And once again we would leave each other's lives. And every time it would shatter just as we were getting closest to something serious between us.

But this last time was different. For some reason the magnet didn't shut off and we got close. Really close. The first time we went out you told me you were going away for two months this summer but I was so wrapped up in the excitement of it all that I pushed it to the back of my mind. Then on the second time, I noticed something had changed. We sat in your car and you stared at me for a while with this longing, sad look. I tried not to think twice about it and the thought of you leaving hadn't crossed my mind in a while.

Then last night, you reminded me that you were leaving. In two days. And all of a sudden I felt this pain in my chest. I brushed it off as I joked about you not hooking up with any girls while you were away but I knew there were no guarantees. And then tonight you tell me you thought it was weird that I would say that because those kinds of rules are only for "a boyfriend and a girlfriend."

So that leaves me. For two months. Sitting here. Hurting. Wondering what you're doing, and who you're with. Two months while I work at some boring, 9-to-5 job. And with no guarantees. No guarantees that you won't have hooked up with another girl, that you won't have stopped liking me, that you won't have missed me, that you won't have forgotten about me.