Saturday, December 24, 2011

The 'First Love' syndrome!

friend of mine is in love. His first love! And he is in pain. Rough patches… I personally
see no future in his story. But for him, this is it. He says, “Pyaar ek hi baar
hota hai.. sacha pyaar”. I can’t help smiling. I know where he is coming from…
I just tell him, “Happens… you will know better in good time!” He gives me a
look and our conversation is over. Oh, I have been through this too. The 'first
love' syndrome!


years back… I was just into my second year of graduation, and probably fourth month
into my first ‘love’ story! I was busy making plans for my visit home. As a
student I travelled by train and that meant I had to book the tickets well in
advance to be able to get a ticket. And this time I was planning my winter
vacation earlier than the last time. Not around Christmas… but at least 10 days
before that.


planned except the ticket, I was sitting by the steps on my college blocks when
my senior joined me. As we spoke I happened to share with him how I am looking
forward to being in Guwahati by December 15. When I told him I wanted to
surprise ‘her’ as it was her birthday he could not stop smiling. After grinning
ear to ear for sometime he finally asked me, “Is this your first love?” I
replied in positive. He patted my back and said, “I understand. We have all
been through that. Don’t worry, you will know better in some years, or let’s
say some relationships later.” I shrugged off. Back then ‘she’ was the one, no
one else would replace her. And this was to be the lifelong relationship. Quite
filmy I suppose… but what do you expect from a Bollywood buff! The senior
walked away with an ‘I know all about this’ smile, leaving me more resolute
that I am going to make that relationship sustain for my life. And that should
not have been tough…

months from then as the date of journey came closer my parents desperately tried
to cancel my visit. Reason: Assamese-Bihari clashes were at heights and any
train passing through Bihar was not safe. Things had gone bad when a Naga girl was raped in a Delhi bound train by some Bihari youth who were retaliating
to some of their friends being assaulted in Guwahati when these guys went to
appear for railway exams. And now some rogues in Bihar were attacking just
about every Assam-bound train. I was least concerned. I was certain that I had
to reach Guwahati by the birthday. And I was willing to risk an attack… mar bhi
jaaye pyaarwaale, mit bhi jaaye yaarwale, zinda rehti hai unki mohabbatein
! With
the lean frame of my body back then (or trust me… I used to be lean too) I was
all set to fight goons, if required, to reach my destination.

such drama happened. The train had to pass through just two stations in Bihar
and that was quick. I was safe and I reached my city. Only know that my heart
was to be crushed… on the BIG day! ‘She’ had suddenly realized it was all an
infatuation and would not want to meet me, leave alone wear that bracelet that I
had managed to buy for her. (Well frankly… it was my elder sister who paid for

I was… left alone. The world fell on me. Heart crushed…no sounds, just tears
all night long, for almost a month. Sigh! I was still hopeful that she would come

1 - She did not return. Rather she fell for someone else.

– Oh! I fell for someone too. And soon someone else again… and again!

years from then, as I look back… I do not grieve the fact that my first love
story did not turn my only. But I do celebrate the fact that I had my share of
love stories… If you ask me, each break up was responsible for the growth in me
as a person.  And while some really
believe that I am bordering on to insanity, I believe today I know what I need
better, than I did eight years back.


few days back it was the birthday of my first girlfriend and that also happens
to be my ‘first break-up’ day.  There are
rarely better days that could portray the change in me as a person over the
years.  Reactions to that message were hilarious
but they only made me believe one thing…
sometimes, is beyond comprehension. In such cases, Love is usually the catalyst!

the message:

“Once I was willing to risk my life to do something special on
this particular day. Today I wonder if it is just the date that changed or is
it me! May be both... Probably I was good back then, evidently I am perfect now!

this year ends and another year is set to start, open your heart and let love
flow in. You need not hold on to anything… just love everything that you get to
experience. May the New Year bring in new loves!